Small is very, very poor but wins utterly dreadful contest

You know when you're driving on the motorway and there's been an accident on the other side of the road?  You shouldn't look.  You know you shouldn't.  But you can't help it.  It's human nature. 

I've just done that for 47 very, very long minutes.

Alleged British and Commonwealth light-middleweight champion Anthony Small won a unanimous points decision earlier tonight against Thomas McDonagh in front of a surprisingly awake full house at a leisure centre in Wigan. 

If they all turn up to the same place at six in the morning, they'll see more action from the pensioners trawling up and down the swimming lanes.

I had it 115 each.  Small wouldn't fight in the first half, McDonagh couldn't fight in the second.  Judges Edwards and O'Connor had it 115-114 and Judge Keane 116-113, all for Small.

After six rounds, Small had landed ten punches.

After twelve, the pair had landed a total of 78.  Just over seven punches a round.  Between them.  78 from 12 usually sends me running for the Duckworth-Lewis scoring charts.

Small's ring entrance looked like it had been choreographed by Alan Partridge.  Wearing a Rat Pack suit and hat, Small turgidly made his way to the ring with the help of, I kid you not, a scooter.  It was cringeworthy.  It was also the highlight of the night.

BoxRec News correspondent Lee Collier has the privilege of reporting the card so I'll let him take you through all the excitement.

How bad was it?  I'll tell you how bad.  Even Small didn't say he looked good but rather he'd have to go and watch the tape.  Rather him than me.  How bad?  Johnny Nelson called it 'a stinker'.

I secretly thought it might be even worse.  At least they weren't welded together for the first seven rounds, before McDonagh faded alarmingly.

It wasn't as bad as Nelson-DeLeon.  But it was a little taste of that night for fans too young to remember a fight so bad it was unforgettable.